Looking for something to do? Try playing the key board

Give God what's right - not what's left.

 "Pray" is a four-letter word you can say anywhere - except in public schools.

 Man's way leads to a hopeless end - God's way leads to an endless hope..

 A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

 He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

 To be almost saved is to be totally lost.

 In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.

 Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

 God grades on the cross, not the curve.

 Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a facelift.

 When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.

 God doesn't want shares of your life - He wants a controlling interest.

 Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

 We don't change God's message - His message changes us.

 The church is prayer-conditioned.

 When God ordains, He sustains.

 WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

 Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

 Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.

 Suffering with truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

 Exercise daily - walk with the Lord.

 Coincidences happen when God chooses to remain anonymous.

 Wisdom has two parts - 1) having a lot to say 2) not saying it.

 Never give the devil a ride - he will always want to drive.

 A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.

 Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

 Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

 He who angers you controls you.

 Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

 Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.

 Forbidden fruits create many jams.

 Be ye fishers of men - you catch them & He'll clean them.

 Deciding not to choose Jesus is still making a choice.

 God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

 Read the Bible - It will scare the hell out of you.

 If God is your co-pilot - swap seats.

Back to top

Typos in the Church Bulletins!

 They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for
church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS)
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church
services: One little typo can bring quite a lot of laughter on Sunday
morning. Enjoy...
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care
much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,'
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday
there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they
can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in
the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What
Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice..
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the parish hall on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be an old time hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation
would lend him their electric stainless steel or teflon coated girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan
last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

Back to top

HOME ¦ ABOUT US ¦ ANNOUNCEMENTS ¦ MONTHLY CALENDAR ¦ PASTOR'S PAGE ¦ MAP

  EDUCATION ¦HISTORY ¦ YOUTH PROGRAMS ¦  MUSIC VIDEOS ¦ DISCLAIMER ¦ LINKS  CONTACT US

Zion Lutheran Church
Lutheran Church Missouri Synod
  220 No 8th Street - Brainerd, MN - 56401
Phone: 218-829-4317   Fax:  218-829-1282

Please contact Web Master with site issues or suggestions.

Zionbrainerd.org
©2008 Zion Lutheran Church